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Val Point Blank

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:16:06 -0400

Stacy is a hostage again??!! She could write the book on stumbling into an armed robbery and getting bound by her own handcuffs. As per section 34.02b in the Field Operations Manual, all showdowns with robbers must occur on a roof, with a bad guy holding a gun to one cop’s head while the partner aims his weapon at the bad guy. Yelling "take the shot!" is optional.

Third Eye Blond

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:16:05 -0400

Cocaine salami. Yum. Hooker visits Chicago to pick up a criminal wanted for fencing stolen property. As it turns out, the guy might be able to help Chicago’s finest take down a drug ring that's been operating in the meat packing district.

What to do with Val...

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:16:04 -0400

Stacy, Stacy, Stacy. She’s either getting shot or being taken hostage and handcuffed to something. Now she's been disarmed by a wounded thug during an arrest attempt. No wonder Hooker's peeved and officer Shaeffer wants to put her behind a desk. She'd better start showing some real effort soon, or she can go straight back to the magazine covers as far as this department is concerned.

Good Val Hunting

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:16:03 -0400

Put on your Sunday suit and load your Sunday machine gun. It’s time for church. That's where Staci and Corrigan end up after a routine traffic stop leads to a hostage situation - with Staci and a badly-shot Corrigan among the hostages. Hang in there folks, Hooker's coming and he shall deliver you from evil. In a big silver Cadillac, of all things.

V.I.P., R.I.P.

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:58:04 -0400

For a self-made billionaire, CEO Eric Collier is kind of a moron. First he puts a bounty on his own head. Then he hires VIP to protect him. Then he tries to exterminate VIP. Will he ever make up his mind? The only thing these corporate types really understand is a rocket launcher in their face. Val, would you do the honors?

For Val’s Eye's Only

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:58:03 -0400

Some media moguls suck. Especially Victor Balick. He’s been spending an awful lot of effort trying to kill a dorky Internet writer named Arnie Feign, all because Feign is planning to expose Balick's evil deeds in an upcoming web ad campaign. It's up to V.I.P. to save Arnie before Balick can get to him. And if not, one less nerd, right?

Throw Val from the Train

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:58:02 -0400

Midriffs and gun battles, baby. You even get to see Val showing midriff while wielding some sort of giant grenade launcher. It’s all part of the V.I.P. mission to protect a psychic-to-the-stars dude who stumbled across a dead body and now fears reprisal from the killers. Maybe it's time for some new tarot cards.

Val in Space

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:58:01 -0400

The war on terror just got sexy. Val’s high school reunion is taken over by terrorists. They have automatic weapons and bombs, but Val's date Johnny has a bread knife and a thumpin' late-90s techno soundtrack. Hey terrorists, nobody said life was fair. Watch for Val jumping off a cruise ship as it explodes. In a skin-tight turquoise deal, no less.

Get Vallery

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:58:00 -0400

Karate cage match? Check. Gratuitous camera angles? Check. V.I.P signs on to protect the ancient mask of martial arts master Jin-Doo, but team member Johnny Loh has other ideas. He and his super-hot mentor chick want to restore the spirit of Jin-Doo to its rightful home. The plot twists, leading to a scantily clad Val strapped to a table. Now that’s TV.

Crouching Val

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:58:00 -0400

Serial killers beware, Val is onto you. After escaping his date with the executioner, hopping a train and getting plastic surgery, Thomas Binford Shaklee been spotted by Val. In retrospect, that giant eagle tatt on his neck was probably a mistake. No worries. Killing a girl named Valerie shouldn’t be a problem for a guy named Thomas Binford Shaklee.

Analyze Val

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:57:50 -0400

Is Tasha a man? She calls helicopters "birds," speaks in sharp staccato phrases and constantly refers to her final destination as the "drop zone." Plus, when Val tags along on a mission to find out who’s killing CIA double agents, Tasha never once mentions shopping. It's always mission this and operation that. What's the deal?

The Uncle from Val

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:57:36 -0400

Val deposits a rocket-propelled grenade at the Beverly Hills National Bank. That’s what happens when three chicks with assault weapons accidentally wander into an armed robbery in progress. Five thousand fully-auto rounds and one grenade later, Nikki realizes she's not dealing with your average bank robbers.