Onion news network-onion news network - apple introduces revolutionary new laptop with no keyboard : AOL Video feed

Onion News Network - Ford Unveils New Car for Cash-Strapped Buyers: the 1993 Taurus

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:04:27 -0500

Ford says the '93 Taurus is the only car to drive in 2010, and they think Americans will have no other choice but to agree.

Onion News Network - Victim in Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:28:10 -0500

An honors student died in the crash today, leaving the nation to wonder why the grisly experience of burning alive was not reserved for Glenn Beck.

Onion News Network - Fatal Staples Center Collapse Brings Merciful Early End to Clippers Game

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:27:27 -0500

People are breathing a sigh of relief today for the long-suffering spectators' sudden deaths, and for the total elimination of the Clippers' roster off the face of the earth.

Onion News Network - Gaffe-Prone Biden Embarrasses Nation Yet Again by Sneezing During Meeting

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:18:48 -0400

In The Know panelists call Biden’s decision to sneeze in the middle of a high level policy meeting 'disgusting' and 'completely inappropriate.'

Onion News Network - How to Find a Masculine Halloween Costume for Your Effeminate Son

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:38:58 -0400

Expert stops by Today NOW! to show parents of girly sons costume tips to survive Halloween without accentuating their child’s obvious homosexuality.

Onion News Network - Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated in Yet Another Daring Jewel Heist

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:26:48 -0400

Steam Room analysts debate whether the International Fencing Federation should reign in this rogue, or if De La Croix will narrowly escape yet again.

Onion News Network - Chinese Officials: Deadly Virus Sweeping China Is Just Olympic Fever

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 11:56:08 -0400

The Chinese government explained that the fatal disease is caused by the excitement of the Olympics, not infected birds, as was previously reported.

Onion News Network - 'No Values Voters' Looking To Support Most Evil Candidate

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:18:05 -0400

Both candidates are stepping up their efforts to attract crucial 'no values voters' by abusing animals and murdering the elderly.