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Val in Space

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:58:01 -0400

The war on terror just got sexy. Val’s high school reunion is taken over by terrorists. They have automatic weapons and bombs, but Val's date Johnny has a bread knife and a thumpin' late-90s techno soundtrack. Hey terrorists, nobody said life was fair. Watch for Val jumping off a cruise ship as it explodes. In a skin-tight turquoise deal, no less.

Analyze Val

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:57:50 -0400

Is Tasha a man? She calls helicopters "birds," speaks in sharp staccato phrases and constantly refers to her final destination as the "drop zone." Plus, when Val tags along on a mission to find out who’s killing CIA double agents, Tasha never once mentions shopping. It's always mission this and operation that. What's the deal?

Dude, Where's My Party

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 21:23:25 -0500

Ned's got blondes in high places. A disgruntled Inuit shaman plans to cheat her own people in a land deal and Val's uncle Ned accidentally uncovers the plot. Remembering that Val is in the protection business, he flies to Los Angeles and asks V.I.P. to help the Inuit people. A chance to fire semiautomatic weapons in super-slow motion? Ned, you know they're in.

The Uncle from Val

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 21:23:27 -0500

Val deposits a rocket-propelled grenade at the Beverly Hills National Bank. That's what happens when three chicks with assault weapons accidentally wander into an armed robbery in progress. Five thousand fully-auto rounds and one grenade later, Nikki realizes she's not dealing with your average bank robbers.

Throw Val from the Train

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:58:02 -0400

Midriffs and gun battles, baby. You even get to see Val showing midriff while wielding some sort of giant grenade launcher. It’s all part of the V.I.P. mission to protect a psychic-to-the-stars dude who stumbled across a dead body and now fears reprisal from the killers. Maybe it's time for some new tarot cards.

Val Point Blank

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 21:23:32 -0500

Stacy is a hostage again??!! She could write the book on stumbling into an armed robbery and getting bound by her own handcuffs. As per section 34.02b in the Field Operations Manual, all showdowns with robbers must occur on a roof, with a bad guy holding a gun to one cop's head while the partner aims his weapon at the bad guy. Yelling "take the shot!" is optional.

Good Val Hunting

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 21:23:34 -0500

Put on your Sunday suit and load your Sunday machine gun. It's time for church. That's where Staci and Corrigan end up after a routine traffic stop leads to a hostage situation - with Staci and a badly-shot Corrigan among the hostages. Hang in there folks, Hooker's coming and he shall deliver you from evil. In a big silver Cadillac, of all things.

Get Vallery

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:58:00 -0400

Karate cage match? Check. Gratuitous camera angles? Check. V.I.P signs on to protect the ancient mask of martial arts master Jin-Doo, but team member Johnny Loh has other ideas. He and his super-hot mentor chick want to restore the spirit of Jin-Doo to its rightful home. The plot twists, leading to a scantily clad Val strapped to a table. Now that’s TV.