Myth: Women Don't Masturbate

Well, I’m back again to bust another myth. Today we’re going to bust the myth that women don’t masturbate. Although I’m sure most of you out there think you know that women masturbate, you’d be surprised how many women and men believe that only a few women masturbate – and that’s just not true. I think more women would masturbate if they realized how good it was for them, which is one of the things we’re going to talk about today, and how many women actually do masturbate. So let me tell you that depending on the study, studies show that between 45 and 80 percent of women – American women – have masturbated at some time during their lives. Now here’s an interesting fact that really very few people know. 60 percent of women who do masturbate report that they invented masturbation for themselves. That is, nobody talked to them about it, they didn’t read about it, they just learned about it themselves. And many women start masturbating – if they are masturbators – they masturbate much earlier than men do. Actually, research demonstrates, in terms of women, that those who are orgasmic, those who masturbate to orgasm, report having more orgasms than women who don’t masturbate to orgasm. They report greater sexual desire than women who don’t masturbate who are orgasmic. So we’re just talking about women now who do have the ability to orgasm. They have higher self-esteem, the ones who masturbate than the ones who don’t masturbate; they report greater marital and sexual satisfaction than women that don’t masturbate; and they report needing less time to become aroused than women who don’t masturbate. And finally, more women who masturbate are multiply orgasmic – at least they report being multiply orgasmic – than those who don’t masturbate. So, that’s rather good. It also shouldn’t be too surprising, because the better that you know your body and how it works, and what feels good to you and what makes you feel good, obviously the better you’re going to be able to explain to your partner what feels good, to show your partner what feels good, and to help that person make you feel good when you’re together. You know, a female’s body is not quite as obvious as the male’s body. In a male’s body, everything hangs out there, and it’s rather obvious what’s good, although I must say that partners who have a good sex life are more able to indicate to each other, either in words or in actions, what feels good and what they like and what they don’t like. And partners who can communicate that kind of information to each other tend to have better sex lives. That makes obvious sense, doesn’t it. But you’d be surprised how many people don’t do that to each other – they aren’t able to communicate with each other, and it’s harder and harder for them, obviously, to have a really good and satisfying sex life. It’s certainly harder to figure out how to get your partner to enjoy themselves, and for a man harder to understand the woman if they can’t communicate about these things. And stimulating a woman to orgasm is a little bit more of a complicated task than it is for a man. Now if a woman has never had an orgasm, it turns out you can teach her to do that. Most women can be taught to do that. Teaching a woman to masturbate to orgasm is one way to help her and to help those who have never had an orgasm to become orgasmic, not just during masturbation but also with her partner. There’s a technique called directed masturbation – which is a technique that’s part of cognitive behavioral sex therapy – that has been shown to be very successful for more than 80 percent of women who have never had an orgasm. And it helps them to be able to experience orgasm, first from masturbation, and then it’s successful in 20 to 60 percent of those women to be able to have orgasms with their partners. So that’s something, if you are a person who has a partner who is not orgasmic, that you can suggest as a possibility. Now it also can be done by reading books about that, and we’ll put some on the website so that you’ll know where to go, because sometimes people can learn from reading books and practicing, using a vibrator, or if you have a partner who is ready to help you, that partner could be part of that home therapy and you can get that done at home. Most women, if they learn to have an orgasm, report all kinds of good things that go on with that. They seem to have an increase, obviously, in their enjoyment and satisfaction of intercourse, even if they don’t have an orgasm in intercourse with their partners. They feel more relaxed about their sex life, but not just their sex life, but their life in general. And they have an increased acceptance of their bodies. Well of course if you feel better about your body you’ll enjoy sex more, because your body is a very important part of sexuality. There’s a world expert named Betty Dodson who has made her life’s work helping women to enjoy their bodies more and to enjoy their sexual response more and she teaches in her books about masturbation, not just for women but for couples. She has some books and maybe we’ll put their titles up on the website for you. Let’s keep in mind that studies show, however, that only 25 to 50 percent of women have orgasms from intercourse alone, from thrusting alone. So it should not be surprising that in fact the majority of women do not – I repeat – DO NOT have orgasms from just the penis going in and out of the vagina. That’s not normal. If you mean by normal, average, the average woman does not have orgasm from intercourse alone, and even the ones that do very rarely have it regularly from intercourse alone. So you need to add other kinds of stimulation, either by hand or by mouth, right up to the point of intercourse, or during intercourse with the hand or vibrator if you want to have, for some reason you desire to have orgasm during intercourse. Research shows that masturbation for women is also very healthy. I know it’s against everything that you’ve heard up to this point, for most of you, but it is true. There are studies that show that for postmenopausal women, that is, women after they’ve stopped having their periods, if they don’t have a regular partner with whom they have regular sex with orgasm, that masturbation to orgasm – listen to this – will promote the health of the urinary tract and their genital tract and it will keep them sexually able to be responsive and healthy so in case they get a new partner they will be able to have good healthy enjoyable sex. How do you like that? So it will keep them sexually able and ready for the next partner to come along. And if you think that older people don’t fall in love, take my word for it, I wrote a column for 10 years and I got lots and lots of letters from people in their 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s who were falling in love and having sex very late in life. By the way, as a last comment here, this is true for men too, so if you are a man, and you don’t have a partner, and you’re getting older, it is important to keep your sex organs healthy and working and your orgasms coming and coming so that should you find a new partner it will work for you when that person comes. Because it’s actually true that if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.